


Match Point

by TheGreatCatsby



Series: Turning Tables [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Cancer, M/M, University, knee injury, oisuga
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-08
Updated: 2016-03-08
Packaged: 2018-05-25 13:53:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,285
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6197587
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheGreatCatsby/pseuds/TheGreatCatsby
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Oikawa's life as he knows it is over, and he meets an old rival in the last place he wants to see anyone: the hospital.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Match Point

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Tiếng Việt available: [[Translation] Match Point](https://archiveofourown.org/works/7512439) by [Chamomilea](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chamomilea/pseuds/Chamomilea)



> I apologize in advance.

For a moment after waking up, Oikawa forgot why he'd been unconscious in the first place. He felt no pain, just a weird floating sensation, completely relaxed, and it was nice. It was so nice for the few seconds he wasn't really feeling anything that when it stopped and he became more aware of what was going on, he started crying. 

He was twenty-one years old and he was crying like a child in the recovery room of the hospital. 

There was no one else in the room except the nurses, who gathered around him and asked all sorts of questions about his pain levels, about whether the medicine was making him feel sick. 

All he managed to choke out was, “I won't be able to play anymore.” 

They looked confused. He couldn't blame them. He knew it was silly. He knew he shouldn't feel like his life was falling apart because of volleyball. But that's how he felt. That's what was happening. And he couldn't stop his tears. 

Because two days ago he'd gone for a jump serve during practice and when he landed, his right leg exploded in pain, crumbled underneath him, and he nearly passed out. One day ago, the doctors told him that it would be amazing if he could even walk normally again, let alone play a sport. And this morning he was taken into surgery to salvage his knee, and he had a long road of recovery and pain and physical therapy and plan changes ahead of him with no guarantees. 

It wasn't fair. He was doing his best, and this injury took him out, and it wasn't his fault (except maybe he did work himself too hard but he couldn't think about that right now) and it wasn't fair. 

The worst part was, he was crying and it didn't even hurt. When it started to hurt, an hour later, he felt like an idiot. 

* 

“Coffee isn't good for you.” 

“I want coffee.” 

“It isn't good for you.” 

“I don't think it matters.” 

Oikawa frowned, twisted around in his wheelchair and motioned for Iwaizumi to stop. “That sounds familiar.” 

“What does?” Iwaizumi frowned, glancing around. 

“Those voices.” 

“Is the boredom getting to you?” 

“Go to the vending machine,” Oikawa said. Iwaizumi sighed, loudly, and he added, “Please, Iwa-chan.” 

“Fine. I bet no one's there.” He spun Oikawa around and pushed him back down the hall, around the corner to where the vending machines were located. 

There were two people standing there. Oikawa recognized them both and judging from the way his chair abruptly stopped, Iwaizumi did too. 

Oikawa wished, in that moment, that he had ignored his own boredom and curiosity. He felt his cheeks go warm, the idea of an old rival seeing him this way, unable to even walk by himself, bothering him. But it was too late. Sawamura turned from the vending machine to glance at Oikawa and Iwaizumi, then did a double take. 

“Oh,” he said, softly. 

Sugawara, next to him, didn't look up. He was biting his lip, considering the drink choices in front of him. 

Sawamura nodded at Oikawa, who nodded back, and then at Iwaizumi, who said, “What the hell are you doing here?” 

Sawamura raised his eyebrows. “I should ask you the same thing.” 

“Isn't it obvious?” Oikawa snapped, gesturing to his leg, which was wrapped up in bandages. 

“To be honest,” Sawamura said, rubbing the back of his neck, “I was just surprised at seeing the two of you in this place.” 

Sugawara pressed a button on the machine and retrieved his drink, a can of coffee, before straightening up and frowning at Oikawa. “I'm sorry about...whatever is going on with your leg.” 

“An old knee injury,” Oikawa said. “I got surgery. Your turn.” He gave Sugawara a quick once-over. His clothes seemed to hang off him a bit, and he looked exhausted, but he was on his feet, which was more than Oikawa could say for himself. 

Sugawara cracked open his can. “I've been sick,” he said, “but I'm sick of being in my room so they let me walk around.” 

Oikawa didn't miss the way Sawamura flinched. “Sick with?” 

“You've still been playing volleyball?” Sawamura asked, voice a bit too sharp. “Both of you?” 

“Yes,” Iwaizumi said, sounding like he didn't like the question at all. 

“You?” Oikawa chimed in, directing the question at Sugawara. “Or were you not good enough to make your university's team?” 

“I quit after high school to study medicine,” Sugawara said, either ignoring the implied insult or missing it entirely. 

Sawamura's eyes narrowed. “I play for my university, but I don't think I'm going to make a career out of it.” 

“Why not?” Oikawa asked. “Then we could be rivals one more time. Or don't you think you're good enough?” 

“Oikawa,” Iwaizumi muttered. 

“You both never stood out in Karasuno,” Oikawa continued, “so I'm not surprised. Especially you,” he pointed at Sugawara, “what with that genius Tobio-chan taking your place.” 

Sugawara hummed, sipped his canned coffee. “I miss it sometimes. But I miss a lot of things.” 

“I bet you don't miss him,” Oikawa said. “The feeling he must've given you of not being good enough.” He wasn't sure why he was pushing so hard, but he could tell it was making Iwaizumi unconfortable from the shifting behind him. Sawamura also looked like he wanted to go. But Oikawa couldn't stop. “It practically stopped your career in its tracks.” 

Sugawara frowned. 

“Let's go,” Iwaizumi growled, before anyone else could say anything. “I think we have a scan to get back for.” 

“I don't remember that,” Oikawa protested, but Iwaizumi had already turned his chair around. 

“We'll see you around,” Iwaizumi said to the other two. 

Oikawa heard Sugawara say, “Good luck, Oikawa-san!” 

Then they were out of earshot. 

Iwaizumi didn't say anything until they were in the elevator back up to Oikawa's floor. And then, he leaned over and hissed, “Are you trying to make other people miserable because you're upset?” 

“I don't know what you're talking about, Iwa-chan,” Oikawa muttered. 

“You know exactly what I'm talking about, dumbass,” Iwaizumi said. “Quit being bitter.” 

“What else do you want me to be?” Oikawa snapped. “What else am I supposed to do? Can't I have time to be bitter? Volleyball is my life.” 

“Maybe we were both idiots,” Iwaizumi said. The elevator doors opened and they emerged into the hallway, Iwaizumi wheeling Oikawa towards his room. 

“What do you mean?” 

“Maybe we were stupid to put everything into volleyball,” Iwaizumi said. “University is almost over and neither of us have a backup plan.” 

“You don't need a backup plan,” Oikawa said. “I'm the only one who needs a backup plan. I don't even know what my major is.” 

“Maybe I should have one,” Iwaizumi said. “No one plays sports forever.” 

“You can live off sports forever,” Oikawa said. 

“If you're good,” Iwaizumi said. “If you're famous. That's a long shot.” 

“I had a shot,” Oikawa snapped. “And then this shit happened. It's not fair.” 

They arrived back at Oikawa's room. His parents had gone to get lunch. Iwaizumi rolled the wheelchair next to the bed, had Oikawa wrap his arms around him for balance, and helped Oikawa back into the bed. Oikawa's face was tinged pink, as it often was whenever Iwaizumi helped him with things like this, and as he laid back he closed his eyes. 

Iwaizumi sat on the edge of the bed as Oikawa settled in, and murmured, “Marketing.” 

“What?” Oikawa asked, opening his eyes. 

“Your major,” Iwaizumi said. “It's marketing.” 

Oikawa sighed. “I don't even know what that means.” 

* 

One good thing about the hospital was that it had wifi, otherwise Oikawa truly would have lost his mind. Once Iwaizumi and his parents left for the day, Oikawa went online to do some stalking. 

He was stalking Sugawara. 

He didn't find out much. Or rather, he didn't find out what he wanted. 

He found out that Sugawara had gone to a good university in Tokyo to study Biology, that he wasn't on the volleyball team there or any sports team, that in the first year of university he'd made a lot of friends and had fun and Sawamura had been at school with him. None of that explained why his updates had grown sporadic, or why he was currently in a hospital in Miyagi at the same time as Oikawa. 

Oikawa wondered if he could charm one of the nurses into telling him whether there was a Sugawara on his floor, and then he wondered if he was just getting too bored. 

No, Oikawa liked knowing things. If he didn't have a team to know about, he'd take what he could get. He'd take it however he could. 

When Iwaizumi came to see him after lunch, Oikawa asked him to find out where Sugawara was in the hospital, and why. 

“Why do you care, anyway?” Iwaizumi said. 

“Aren't you a little bit curious?” Oikawa asked. “Besides, he wouldn't be in this unit because he said he was sick and this isn't for that. So find the sick people ward.” 

“The sick people ward,” Iwaizumi repeated, staring at him. 

“Yes, Iwa-chan. You know what I mean.” 

“He's probably out by now, if he was walking around,” Iwaizumi pointed out. “I'm not going around looking for the sick people ward.” 

“Please?” 

“Look, I don't know what they're putting in your food but it's making you even more-” 

“I'm so bored,” Oikawa interrupted. “So. Bored. I'm going to scream. I'm gonna get out of here and you're gonna go back to school and I'll be stuck in Miyagi all by myself trying to learn to walk again and-” 

“And you want me to spend the time I'm here looking for someone else?” Iwaizumi asked. 

Oikawa blinked. “Yes.” 

“Why-” 

“Because when you leave what if he's still here?” 

“You're not gonna be in the hospital long.” 

“I meant in Miyagi.” 

Iwaizumi frowned. “You didn't seem happy to see him yesterday.” 

“I need to be entertained by someone, Iwa-chan,” Oikawa muttered. “Besides, he's refreshing, remember?” 

“I don't know how to stalk someone inside a hospital,” Iwaizumi pointed out. 

Oikawa rolled his eyes. “Fine. I'll come with you. Someone needs to charm the nurses anyway since you're a charmless bastard.” 

*

One fake argument and a few apologies later, they set off for what Oikawa called the “sick people” ward. There was a general ward, and they spent some time wandering the halls there and pretending to drop things in front of doors for Iwaizumi to pick up. 

They didn't find Sugawara. 

“You know, we could just go to reception and ask and say we're friends here to visit,” Oikawa mused as they made their way back to the elevators. “Why didn't I think of that before?” 

“Why didn't you think of that before?” Iwaizumi moaned. 

The man at reception gave them weird looks, possibly because Oikawa was still in his hospital gown, but when they asked for someone by the name of Sugawara he went to look and gave them a room number on the second floor. 

“202,” Oikawa hummed as they waited for the elevators. Iwaizumi leaned forward, squinting at the floor plan. 

“Oikawa,” he said. 

“Hmm?” 

“Floor 2 is Oncology.” Iwaizumi's voice was very quiet. 

Oikawa blinked. “What?” 

“Cancer ward,” Iwaizumi said. 

“I know what it means,” Oikawa snapped. “Why would Mr. Refreshing be there?” 

Iwaizumi just looked at him. 

“Stupid question,” Oikawa muttered. 

The elevator doors opened and Iwaizumi wheeled him inside, went to press the button for the second floor, but Oikawa swatted his hand away. 

“What the-” Iwaizumi started, but Oikawa pressed the button to his own floor instead. 

When they got back to the room, once Oikawa was settled in his bed, Iwaizumi fixed him with a piercing look. “What the hell was that all about?” 

“Nothing,” Oikawa said with a little shrug. “I didn't want to disturb him.” 

“You were ready to disturb him up until we got inside the elevator,” Iwaizumi said. 

“All that running around made me tired,” Oikawa said. “I want to sleep.” 

“You weren't the one pushing a heavy object around.” 

“Are you calling me fat?” 

“I'm calling you full of shit.” 

“How mean!” 

Iwaizumi sighed. “Oikawa-” 

“Maybe tomorrow, Iwa-chan,” Oikawa said. “It's not like I'm going anywhere tonight.” 

* 

“Maybe it's a mistake.” 

Iwaizumi blinked at him. Oikawa pulled on his shirt. He'd been given his clothes because he was supposed to be released that evening. His parents would be there in a few hours. He'd been given permission to use crutches rather than a wheelchair. 

He couldn't stop thinking about Sugawara. 

He'd only ever seen Sugawara from across a volleyball net, the other setter of Karasuno who'd been replaced by that genius Kageyama. Oikawa had been afraid of the same fate in middle school, and to see it happen to someone else was a bit chilling. Sugawara didn't seem to mind, though, and he fit in well on the court despite not being put in often. Oikawa could tell how well Sugawara knew the players. He would have been a good setter, if he'd been allowed more play time. 

He was a good setter, the times he'd been allowed to play. 

Not as good as Kageyama, but who was? The thought made Oikawa angry. Then he remembered that even without Kageyama to take his spot, he was still out of the game now. Because of his stupid knee, of all things. 

He wondered if Sugawara knew how to deal with not playing. He probably did, since Kageyama's presence at Karasuno effectively put an end to Sugawara's career. 

He'd started thinking about what he would say to Sugawara. If he weren't Oikawa Tooru he would apologize for his attitude the other day, but that wasn't in the cards. He planned to breeze past it. They wouldn't talk about why Oikawa was there in any more detail. He'd find a way to evade that. 

Oikawa wanted to know if Sugawara was staying in Miyagi for the foreseeable future. 

He didn't want to admit it, but he hated being alone. With Iwaizumi going back to school soon, he had a future made up of days sitting in his room punctuated by physical therapy. Nothing but his own thoughts. 

No. 

“What do you mean, mistake?” Iwaizumi asked. 

Oikawa shook himself out of his thoughts. That was the other thing he'd been thinking about overnight. Sugawara being in the cancer ward. “I mean,” he explained, “sometimes people get put in other wards because the general one is full, right?” 

“I don't know,” Iwaizumi said. “You think he was put up there because there was no room?” 

“Maybe,” Oikawa said. “I mean come on, you don't think Mr. Refreshing actually has cancer, right?” 

“Um, lots of people get it.” 

“But we would've heard.” 

“Would we? We're not even friends with him.” 

“Someone would've said something,” Oikawa insisted. 

“You don't even talk to anyone from Karasuno except Kageyama, sometimes, and only to tell him that he's a little shit,” Iwaizumi said. 

“He is a little shit.” 

“So you're not afraid of seeing Sugawara now?” 

“Why would I be afraid?” 

“You were scared like shit yesterday,” Iwaizumi said. Oikawa opened his mouth, but Iwaizumi gave him a “don't bullshit me” look and Oikawa shut his mouth again. “Besides, what if he does?” 

“Then that sucks,” Oikawa said. Iwaizumi nudged him, hard, in the arm. “What!” 

“You're such an ass,” he muttered. 

“I'm allowed to be,” Oikawa said. “My future is shit.” 

“Shut up.” 

“Have you no compassion?” 

“Are we going or not?” 

Oikawa nodded, and ten minutes later Iwaizumi was wheeling him down the hall of the second floor, which looked very much like Oikawa's floor. Somehow, he'd expected it to look different. 

“202,” he murmured, watching the numbers go by like some sort of weird countdown. He hoped Sugawara's family wasn't there. That would be awkward. He hoped Sawamura was there. That would be fun. 

Then Iwaizumi stopped in front of one of the open doors. 202. 

Oikawa craned his neck up at Iwaizumi. “Is it empty?” 

“Yeah. Come on.” 

Before Oikawa could protest, Iwaizumi moved forward and knocked on the door. Sugawara's voice called out, “Come in!” and then Iwaizumi was pushing Oikawa forward. 

The room was nice. It looked lived in, much more than Oikawa's room. A non-hospital issue knitted blue blanket had been draped on the bed. Sugawara was actually dressed like a normal person, not like someone in the hospital, wearing an overlarge but comfy looking sweater and sitting up cross-legged, a notebook resting in his lap and what looked like a textbook open in front of him. 

He glanced up at the newcomers and smiled, wide. “Oikawa-san! Iwaizumi-san! I didn't know you were still here. How is everything?” His gaze flitted from Oikawa's face to his knee. 

“Fine,” Oikawa said, pushing himself up and limping over to the nearest chair. Iwaizumi gave him a dirty look, which he ignored. “I'm getting released today. What about you?” 

Iwaizumi cleared his throat, loudly. “He means how are you?” 

Sugawara looked amused. “I'm fine. Just catching up on some work. I should be out soon, too.” 

“Really?” Oikawa raised his eyebrows. “Are you going back to school in...wherever it is?” 

“Ass,” Iwaizumi muttered. 

“Tokyo,” Sugawara said, and then he sighed. “No, I'm staying in Miyagi. I don't know how long.” 

“What a coincidence,” Oikawa said. “So am I!” 

“Really?” Sugawara's expression brightened, which Oikawa found strangely comforting. Possibly because Sugawara didn't even know him that way. “We should meet up some time! I was worried about getting bored since everyone else will be away. Daichi went back to school earlier.” 

“I know what you mean,” Oikawa said. “Iwa-chan is leaving me to rot here.” 

“Shittykawa!” Iwaizumi punched Oikawa lightly in the arm. “Some of us have lives.” 

“I have a life,” Oikawa said. “I can't wait to get back to it. Don't you know what I mean, Sugawara-san?” 

“You can call me Suga.” Sugawara shrugged, closed his notebook. “I do miss some things.” 

“I've been pushing you around for the past week and a half,” Iwaizumi said. “Don't be ungrateful.” 

Sugawara stifled a laugh and caught Iwaizumi's eye. “Has he been difficult?” 

“Hey!” Oikawa cried. 

“Very,” Iwaizumi said, smirking. 

Sugawara did laugh this time. 

“You know what,” Oikawa folded his arms over his chest, “I don't want to get together. You can die of boredom in Miyagi all by yourself. I won't grace you with my presence.” 

“I was planning on it,” Sugawara said. “But then what will you do?” 

What would he do? Oikawa sighed and closed his eyes. “Fine. But only if you stop making fun of me.” 

“Here.” Sugawara rumaged around his blankets before grabbing a small object—his cellphone. “I might regret this but, do you want my number?” 

“Asking for my number already?” Oikawa gasped, pressed a hand to his heart. “Suga-san, how forward!” 

Sugawara rolled his eyes. “How else am I going to text you? What's your number?” 

“I like him,” Iwaizumi muttered. Oikawa ignored him, recited his number, and a few seconds after Sugawara entered it, his phone buzzed. 

The text from Sugawara read, “It's Suga! :D” 

Oikawa saved the number as Mr. Refreshing. 

“Well,” he said, pocketing his phone, “this is fun, but I do need to pack.” 

Sugawara nodded. “I'll see you around?” 

“Yup!” 

Oikawa turned, limping towards the door. He heard Iwaizumi mutter, “Don't be an idiot,” but he ignored the wheelchair. Not here. As soon as they were out in the hallway, his collapsed into the chair, and Iwaizumi glared at him. 

“What?” Oikawa snapped. 

“Your stupid pride, that's what.” 

“I pride myself on my pride,” Oikawa said. “Besides, I'm not gonna have this chair by the end of the day.” 

“You don't even have crutches right now.” 

“We should get back,” Oikawa said. “I do actually have to pack.” 

Iwaizumi sighed, seemed to bite back a comment. They didn't talk all the way back to Oikawa's room. 

* 

Sometimes, loneliness was Oikawa's second-worst enemy. 

His worst enemy was feeling inadequate. Insecure. Right now he could feel that creeping up on him, which was a direct result of enemy #2, loneliness. Iwaizumi had caught the train back to Tokyo and Oikawa was in his room, trying to sleep. Pain kept his attention on his knee, but that wasn't the only problem. 

When he woke up tomorrow, he'd start physical therapy. He'd start his life as a non-volleyball player. His parents would try to talk to him about other career options. Iwaizumi wouldn't be there to tease him and kick his ass into gear.

He'd be alone. 

His phone buzzed with a text from Iwaizumi. He picked it up, read the short message: “Go to sleep Shittykawa.” 

He sighed, replied with, “Yes, mom.” Considered turning off his phone. 

Instead, he had an idea. There was still one person he did have. 

He sent a text to Sugawara: “So why are you in the hospital, anyway?” 

The reply came a few minutes later. “I could ask you the same thing.” 

Oikawa narrowed his eyes. “I told you.” 

Sugawara replied, “All I know is that your knee was injured.” 

“And all I know is that you're in the cancer ward,” Oikawa texted back. He bit his lip as the message sent, wondering if that was too forward. 

His phone was quiet for a few minutes. Oikawa turned over, pulling his blankets around him. It was probably time to go to sleep. He probably shouldn't have asked that question. 

His phone buzzed after ten minutes, startling him. He opened the text. 

“Because I have cancer.” 

It was definitely time to go to sleep.

* 

There was a small cafe approximately haflway between Karasuno High School and Aoba Josai High School, and four days after being released from the hospital Oikawa found himself sitting at a table by the window waiting for Sugawara to show up. 

He felt guilty. He hadn't responded to the text where Sugawara told him why he was in the hospital. The next morning Sugawara had texted him again, asking to meet at this coffee shop on this day, as if last night had never happened. 

Oikawa didn't feel the need to apologize often, but he did feel the need to apologize now. 

He was early. Early so that he could get his bearings, get used to this place, feel comfortable because he wasn't sure how the conversation would go. He needed some sort of control, even if that control only came in the form of knowing where he was and what this place was like. 

He ordered a coffee for himself, settled in, and started people watching. The other thing was, he wanted to see Sugawara come in and order. Observe him for a bit. He didn't want Sugawara doing the same to him. 

It was a bad habit, trying to analyze people. Or rather, it was a good habit from back when he was a setter, but he wasn't, and there was no reason he had to deeply analyze Sugawara like he was still an opponent. 

But Oikawa figured he had an excuse not to be reasonable. 

Sugawara arrived fifteen minutes later, wearing a scarf that covered half his face. He pulled down the scarf, eyes scanning the cafe until they landed on Oikawa, and then he smiled, before heading up to the counter to get a drink. 

He returned a few minutes later, settling in the seat opposite Oikawa, coffee cupped in his hands. “How are you?” he asked. 

He sounded cautious. Oikawa wondered if he was self conscious. He gestured to the crutches resting by his seat and said, “Mostly fine. How about you?” 

“I'm okay.” Sugawara took a long sip of his drink. Oikawa noticed that how pale his skin was, the area under his eyes dark. He looked sick and Oikawa mentally kicked himself because of course he would look sick, he had cancer. It would've been a good time to apologize, but he couldn't quite bring himself to bring up that text. 

Something must have shown on his face because Sugawara gave him a concerned look. 

“So,” Oikawa said, before Sugawara could ask what was wrong, “I'm guessing you're out?” 

Sugawara's expression brightened. “Yes! I'm not a fan of hospitals—is anyone? So it's nice to be home.” 

“How long is recovery?” Oikawa asked. 

Sugawara bit his lip. “I don't know,” he murmured, looking down at his drink before returning his gaze to Oikawa. “What about you?” 

“The doctors want me here for two months for physical therapy,” Oikawa said, “and then I can go back to school.” 

“In the middle of the school year,” Sugawara sighed. “That's rough.” 

“It is.” 

“But I'm sure you'll fall right back in when you go return,” Sugawara said. “You're good at fitting in with whichever team you're playing with. And two months isn't so long.” 

Oikawa felt his eyes start to burn. He hated that feeling. He felt it more often lately. “Yeah. It won't be a problem. What are you returning to?” 

Sugawara raised an eyebrow. 

“I mean,” Oikawa silently wished Iwaizumi could be there to stop him from being an ass, “are you part of any clubs or...?” 

“Just school,” Sugawara said. “I'm keeping up with my courses from home so it wouldn't be too hard to just pick up where I left off.” 

“How long have you been gone?” Oikawa asked. 

“A month,” Sugawara said. 

“Oh. And has Sawamura-kun been with you that whole time?” 

Sugawara laughed. “He tried. I did give him quite the scare, though, so I can't blame him for wanting to keep an eye on me. And I appreciate it. Like you appreciate Iwaizumi being there for you, I bet.” 

Oikawa nodded. “I do. I scared him, too.” 

“What happened?” Sugawara's eyes widened. “If you don't mind me asking.” 

Oikawa wasn't sure if he minded. There was no ill intent behind Sugawara's question, no ulterior motive; he was genuinely curious. Unlike everyone else who asked, who wanted to know what Oikawa would do next. He decided to answer, anyway. “I was doing a jump serve and when I landed my knee gave out. It was really painful, and Iwa-chan was there and he took me to the hospital.” 

Sugawara lowered his cup, mouth slightly open. “Just out of the blue?” 

“Well, I was ignoring some pain,” Oikawa admitted, shrugging, “because I thought it wasn't a big deal. But nothing bad. Just twinges. And then this happened.” Sugawara cringed. “So, what about you?” 

Sugawara lifted his cup to his lips again, took a sip. “I collapsed on the way to class. Much less dramatic. I was actually on the bus and just kind of slumped over onto Daichi.” He sighed. “I gave him a heart attack.” 

“All of a sudden?” 

“No,” Sugawara looked embarassed now. “I was kind of...well, I felt ill all week and by the time I got to the hospital they told me I'd developed pneumonia, which was really just a result of my illness. I just thought it was a cold.” 

“A cold,” Oikawa repeated. He'd never had pneumonia but he had the feeling it wasn't the sort of thing you mistook for a cold. 

“It sounds silly,” Sugawara admitted. “I was being silly. You get carried away when you're studying for midterms.” 

“I guess so,” Oikawa said. He wondered if this was how Iwaizumi felt about him when he gave shit explanations for things. Iwaizumi had been angry about the injury. Not that it happened, but that Oikawa had continued overworking himself during practice even when he felt the old echoes of his injury coming back. Oikawa didn't even know Sugawara well and he felt the ghost of frustration bubbling up. 

“Anyway,” Sugawara said, “enough miserable talk. What are you even studying?” 

Oikawa blinked. “Marketing.” 

Sugawara grinned. “I always thought you'd be a good sales man.” 

*

Oikawa had never met someone who was the definition of comfortable, but he thought now that he'd met Sugawara, he'd found that person. Things always seemed comfortable around Sugawara. It wasn't that Sugawara was always at ease—Oikawa learned very quickly that Sugawara had a lot of energy and very little outlets to use it on, which meant that when they talked, Sugawara's voice would grow loud and excited, his hands gesturing everywhere. Talking to Oikawa seemed to be how Sugawara expended that energy. 

“And Kuroo took a bucket of water and threw it on the pan and it exploded, literally exploded.” Sugawara spread his arms, miming an explosion, eyes bright as he recalled the event. “The ceiling was scorched! Daichi got so angry and luckily he knew how to use the fire extinguisher. The kitchen was ruined. We had to get a professional in to fix it and everything, and we had to order pizza for dinner. Daichi wouldn't talk to Kuroo for a week after that. And he never let Kuroo cook again.” 

“Only a week?” Oikawa's lips twitched into a smile, amused at Sugawara's animated storytelling. He was practically on the edge of his seat in the small cafe. A few people kept looking their way, but Oikawa didn't care. 

“Daichi is very forgiving,” Sugawara said. He glanced down at his drink, which he hadn't touched once, and then outside. “It's nice out.” 

“It is.” Oikawa pushed away from the table. “Hey, Suga, how about we take a walk?” 

Sugawara frowned. “Can you--” 

“Of course I can!” Oikawa stood up, grabbing his crutches. He was getting better at walking, but it was slow. He couldn't go unaided. “Don't worry about me.” 

Outside the air was fresh, cool, crisp. The beginning of spring. Oikawa spent too much time indoors these days, and his outings with Sugawara had become the highlights of his boring life. With Sugawara, he could almost forget that he still didn't have any future planned to speak of. 

They made their way down the street, slowly. Sugawara tugged his jacket tight around him, and Oikawa watched him. His slow movement didn't seem put on for Oikawa's sake; it looked like this was actually Sugawara's pace, too. It occurred to Oikawa that Sugawara's recovery might be taking longer than expected, and he wondered how it was going, if Sugawara still felt sick. The bruised looking skin under his eyes still stood out. 

He still looked sick. 

Maybe Oikawa was imagining it. Just like he was imagining the strange tightness in his chest. Worry. He shouldn't have been worried. Not for Sugawara. 

But then Sugawara stopped at a bench and said, voice slightly strained, “Do you mind if we rest here for a second?” 

“I thought I was supposed to be the old man here,” Oikawa joked. 

Sugawara rolled his eyes and dropped onto the bench, breathing a bit too hard. Oikawa sat next to him. 

The silence started to feel awkward. Oikawa said the first thing that came to mind. “So, I'm a bit annoyed that I didn't get to play you more often.” 

“Huh?” Sugawara stared at him. 

“In high school. Tobio-chan took up all the glory, and I still don't think I know everything about you as a setter.” 

“Oh.” Sugawara laughed, soft. “Well, that was my secret weapon. People didn't know much about me.” 

“You changed up the pace of the games,” Oikawa said. “Do you know what I called you?” 

“What?” 

“Mr. Refreshing.” He grinned. 

Sugawara's eyebrows shot up. “A pet name? How sweet!” 

Oikawa choked. “It wasn't a pet name!” 

“That's what it sounds like.” Sugawara smirked at him. “I should have come up with one for you.” 

“You mean you didn't?” Oikawa gasped. “I'm insulted!” 

“I think you would've been more insulted if I'd come up with a name for you,” Sugawara said. 

Oikawa sighed, and leaned forward. “So...what was it like?” 

“What was what like?” 

“Getting replaced by Tobio-chan.” 

Sugawara shrugged. “It sounds worse when you put it like that.” 

“Isn't that what happened?” Oikawa asked. “You were the team's setter and then Tobio-chan came along being a genius and took your place.” 

“He wanted to earn it,” Sugawara said, “and he did. He was nice about it, and I understood why that had to happen. I had my own part to play.” 

“On the sidelines,” Oikawa said, and once again found himself missing Iwaizumi slapping him lightly on the arm. “I mean--” 

“It's okay,” Sugawara said. “You and Kageyama were on the same team in middle school, right?” 

Oikawa felt his expression darken. “Yes.” 

Sugawara laughed. “That was a long time ago and you have this look on your face like Kageyama just insulted you right this second.” 

“His very presence is insulting,” Oikawa muttered. 

“You really don't like him, do you?” 

“I don't like geniuses.” 

“He could've taken your place,” Sugawara said, looking down at his hands, “no matter how hard you worked. He could've taken you off the court if you'd been on the same team just because he's incredibly talented. He's so talented it's scary. I know how you must've felt.” 

“I didn't want to stop playing,” Oikawa said, “especially not if it wasn't because of me. If I'm working hard I should be able to play. That's how it should be. Not because someone else comes in all genius-like and takes over.” 

“It would've been upsetting,” Sugawara agreed. “But Kageyama did work hard, too. Like I said, he wanted to earn his place on the team. He learned a lot.” 

“I'm sure he did.” 

“You hold grudges, don't you,” Sugawara said. 

“He's still playing, isn't he?” Oikawa asked. Sugawara nodded. “Then I'll hold my grudge. And what about you? You couldn't play volleyball in college after that.” 

Sugawara smiled. “I found something else to be passionate about.” 

“Do you think,” Oikawa leaned forward, “that I could be passionate about marketing?” 

Sugawara frowned at him. “You could always change what you're studying.” 

“You said I'd make a good sales man.” 

“Did I?” His grin was playful. 

“You did.” 

Sugawara nodded, looking more serious. “I think you'd make a good anything that has to do with people. You're a people person, and you're smart. It's a good combination. Why?” 

“I was just thinking.” In small doses, Oikawa could think about it. 

Then he stopped. 

Because it wasn't fair. 

*

“I can't come today.” Sugawara's voice sounded hoarse over the phone. 

“What about tomorrow?” Oikawa asked. He didn't have anything going on. If he stayed home, his parents would start asking questions. He didn't want questions. 

“I'm not sure,” Sugawara said. 

Oikawa frowned. “Are you okay?” 

“I'm not feeling too well,” Sugawara admitted. “My parents don't want me driving places. Or walking. Or leaving the house.” 

“Okay. Well...I'll see you when you're better?” 

“Yeah.” 

Oikawa hung up, tossed his phone aside. There was a volleyball resting on the floor next to his bed and he picked it up, laid on his back, and tossed it into the air over and over and over again. The sensation of pushing the volleyball high, controlling it with just his fingertips, felt ridiculously comforting. He did it a few times before his arms started to ache, and then he caught the ball, holding it close to his chest. 

He wondered if Sugawara did the same thing. 

He grabbed his phone and sent Sugawara a message. “I could come over, you know.” 

“You don't have to!” Sugawara texted back. 

“I've been known to make sick people feel better,” Oikawa replied.

Sugawara was quiet for a few minutes, before he texted back, “Tomorrow. If I'm not up to leaving the house by tomorrow you can come over.” 

“Okay.” 

Oikawa placed the phone aside. Tomorrow. 

*

Sugawara wasn't up to leaving the house. Oikawa packed his volleyball and headed to the address Sugawara gave him in a quiet town, hilly and pretty in a countryside sort of way. 

Sugawara's house was small, but there were flowers blooming in the front yard, and Oikawa felt strangely nervous. He'd been to very few peoples' houses. He'd been to Iwaizumi's house a lot. But Sugawara, he'd only just met. 

He knocked on the door. 

Sugawara opened it. He looked like he was about to fall over, but he smiled wide at Oikawa and for a moment the sickness seemed to leave his face. He stepped back to allow Oikawa in. 

“I'm not actually too bad,” Sugawara explained as Oikawa took off his shoes, “but my parents really don't want me to go too far from the house just in case.” 

“In case what?” Oikawa asked. 

“Well I couldn't keep breakfast down this morning,” Sugawara said, “and I had a fever last night. It's kind of up and down at the moment.” 

“Does this have anything to do with...you know.” 

“Yeah.” Sugawara turned away from him, heading further into the house. “Want some tea?” 

“Sure.” Oikawa followed him. “You know, I was thinking if you were up to it...I brought my volleyball with me.” 

Sugawara stilled from where he was pouring water into a kettle, then turned around, staring at Oikawa. 

“Or not?” Oikawa asked. 

Sugawara grinned. “I'd love to!” 

The tea was forgotten. Sugawara practically dragged Oikawa into the backyard and they tossed to each other. Just tossing, back and forth. The action felt good to Oikawa, even though all the standing made his knee ache. There was a silly grin on his face that he couldn't get rid of, and Sugawara looked just as overjoyed. They sent a good hour out there, just setting to each other, before Sugawara began to sway on his feet and Oikawa steered him back inside. 

“I'll make the tea,” he said. “You're sick.” 

“If you insist,” Sugawara said. Oikawa made sure he was settled on the couch before going into the kitchen. Sugawara had set out all the stuff for tea earlier, so it was only a matter of boiling water and adding sugar. It took a few minutes. 

Oikawa returned with tea to the living room. Sugawara's face, which had been flushed before, was now drained of color. He accepted the tea gratefully, and Oikawa sat next to him. 

Sugawara offered him a gentle smile. “Thank you for today.” He looked tired, like he was ready to fall asleep. 

“Here,” Oikawa said, taking Sugawara's tea from him, setting his own down on the coffee table. He pulled Sugawara close, like Iwaizumi used to do with him back in high school. 

“How kind,” Sugawara murmured. “You make a great pillow.” 

“Of course I'm a good pillow,” Oikawa said. “Your parents are probably gonna kill me.” 

“They wouldn't.” 

Sugawara was warm against him, and Oikawa felt an ache in his chest as he realized just how long it had been since he'd cuddled up next to someone. Iwaizumi was too far away, had become engrossed in school and sports long before Oikawa's injury. Oikawa practically melted into the couch, a haze settling over him as Sugawara's warmth spread through his body. 

Sugawara glanced up at him, and Oikawa gave him a lazy smile. 

“This is nice,” Sugawara murmured. 

“It is,” Oikawa agreed. There was a piece of hair covering one of Sugawara's eyes and Oikawa leaned forward, brushed it aside with one hand. Now they were close. Oikawa felt the urge to press a gentle kiss to Sugawara's lips. 

So he did. 

Sugawara didn't pull away. He reached up and cupped Oikawa's cheek, kissed him deeply, tenderly, and Oikawa felt like he was floating. Then Sugawara pulled back, locking eyes with Oikawa. 

“This is okay,” he said. It was half a question. 

“It is,” Oikawa murmured. 

Sugawara rested his head against Oikawa's chest, and Oikawa wrapped his arms around Sugawara's body, and they fell asleep. 

*

“I lied to you.” 

Oikawa shifted, and he felt Sugawara's weight on him disappear. Sugawara sat up, biting his lip. 

“What?” 

“I lied to you about the cancer,” Sugawara said, voice soft. He played with the sleeve of his sweater, but he didn't look away. “I...won't get better. It's terminal.” 

Oikawa felt like he'd swallowed a stone. His whole body went cold. 

“I'm sorry.” 

“Don't be,” Oikawa swallowed. “I lied to you about my injury. I can't play volleyball ever again. So we're even.” 

Sugawara offered him a shaky smile. “Really?” 

“Really.” 

But that night, Oikawa couldn't sleep. 

Because it wasn't fair. 

*

“He's terminal, Iwa-chan.” 

There was a pause. Oikawa stared at his ceiling, imagined Iwaizumi pacing in his dorm room, thinking about what to say next. Neither of them was really prepared for this sort of thing. They hadn't even been prepared for Oikawa's injury. 

“How long does he have?” 

“I don't know. He said it's not really bad yet. A few months, I think.” Oikawa bit his lip. A few months. It sounded long, but it wasn't long at all. 

“Do you like him?” Iwaizumi asked after a moment. 

“What? I just told you he's dying and you ask me if I like him?” 

“Well that's why you called me at three in the morning, right? Because you like him and you're upset?” 

Oikawa ran his fingers through his hair. “I can't like him.” 

“Why not?” 

“Because he's dying.” 

“Don't be an ass.” 

“I'm not being an ass!” Oikawa sighed, sitting up in bed. “This is a very real concern, Iwa-chan.” 

“But you like him, right?” 

Oikawa took a deep breath. “I like him.” 

“Then maybe you should just, I don't know, go for it?” 

“Go for it?” Oikawa repeated. “But what happens if I...I don't know. Fall in love. And then he dies. I'll blame you! It'll be your fault for giving me bad advice!” 

“Oikawa.” 

“What?” 

“I'll be here for you afterwards,” Iwaizumi told him. “You know that.” 

“I know that.” Oikawa laid back down, closed his eyes. “ I know. But Iwa-chan, I'm scared.” 

“About Sugawara?” 

“It feels like I'm losing everything.” 

There was silence on the other end. Only for a moment. “You're not,” Iwaizumi said. “I'm always gonna be here. I can't get rid of your ass.” 

Oikawa smiled to himself. “You always know how to make me feel better, Iwa-chan.” 

“Good.” 

“Iwa-chan?” 

“What?” 

“Can you talk to me until I fall asleep?” 

Iwaizumi sighed loudly enough that Oikawa had to hold the phone away from his ear for a second. “Fine. You owe me one. What do you want me to say?” 

“Tell me about the team,” Oikawa said, curling up on his side. 

Iwaizumi did. He talked about recent practices and the new first years trying to impress the coach and the latest match. Oikawa felt his throat grow tight as he listened to Iwaizumi talk about something that used to be his life, that he'd no longer be part of, but eventually the familiarity of Iwaizumi's voice lulled him to sleep. 

*

The first time Sugawara called him Tooru, Oikawa felt like his heart was going to burst. Sugawara's voice was beautiful. Oikawa's given name on Sugawara's lips sounded beautiful. 

Oikawa responded with, “Koushi...I really like you,” and Sugawara's face lit up, and for a moment he looked like he could live forever. For a moment, Oikawa believed that he would. 

Sugawara pressed their lips together and murmured, “I do, too,” and Oikawa forgot about his knee and the future and it was just the two of them, in that moment. 

If only moments could last forever.

*

“You'll be going back to school soon, right?” Sugawara thew Oikawa's volleyball back at him. Oikawa tossed the ball, and Sugawara caught it without having to move. He was sitting cross-legged in a chair in the backyard because lately he'd found standing for long periods of time extremely difficult. 

“School?” Oikawa repeated. 

“You said two months,” Sugawara said, throwing the ball at him again. 

He had. It had been almost two months. “Oh yeah.” 

“What are you gonna do?” Sugawara asked. 

“What I always do,” Oikawa said breezily. “Get back to normal.” 

“But your knee.” Sugawara's eyebrows drew together in concern. Oikawa was still using crutches. 

“It'll be fine,” Oikawa waved him off. Sugawara threw the ball at him again, and Oikawa tossed to him again. 

The ball went wide. Sugawara practically jumped out of the chair, managed to catch the ball, and then swayed on his feet. 

“Suga?” Oikawa's eyes widened as Sugawara crumbled to the ground. “Shit!” 

The ball rolled off to the side, forgotten as Oikawa knelt at Sugawara's side, pulling him off the ground. Sugawara blinked and slurred, “Sorry, a little dizzy.” 

“Should I call someone?” Oikawa's voice was higher than normal. His heart thudded too fast in his chest. 

Sugawara shook his head. “Couch.” 

Oikawa helped him inside, and Sugawara sank onto the couch, tipping his head back against the cushions. His skin was paper white, his chest rising and falling rapidly as he struggled to breathe. 

“You're not fine,” Oikawa said, sitting next to him. “I should call someone.” 

“I got up too fast,” Sugawara muttered. “It's not that bad.” 

“It's just going to get worse, isn't it?” Oikawa asked. The words came out harsher than he intended. 

“Yes.” 

Oikawa clenched his fists but didn't say anything. He just sat there, feeling helpless as Sugawara tried not to pass out again. Eventually, Sugawara's breathing became less labored, and Oikawa's heart slowed down. 

Eventually, Oikawa broke the silence. “Can I get you tea or something?” 

Sugawara shook his head. “I feel sick.” 

“Oh.” He looked around. “Should I call your parents?” 

“They'll be home soon.” Sugawara sighed. “I'm sorry. You shouldn't have to-” 

“It's fine,” Oikawa said. “I'm just worried.” 

“So am I.” Sugawara raised his head to look at Oikawa. 

“About?” Oikawa swallowed, feeling small suddenly under Sugawara's intense gaze. He felt like he was being picked apart. 

“About you,” Sugawara said. 

Oikawa laughed, nervously. “What about me? I'm fine!” 

“Can I tell you something?” Sugawara asked. 

Oikawa nodded. “Of course.” He moved closer, pressing himself up against Sugawara. The physical contact made him feel better, and he took one of Sugawara's thin hands and laced their fingers together. 

Sugawara took a deep breath, his eyes overbright. “I was in denial, Tooru. About being sick. I didn't...I kept telling myself it was just a cold. It had to just be a cold. I couldn't be sick again. I had a bone marrow transplant two years ago, and I thought if I got sick again I'd be as good as dead.” Oikawa flinched, but Sugawara kept going. “I didn't want to admit it and then I didn't have a choice. I cried for days. I think I scared Daichi to death, not because I collapsed but because I wouldn't stop crying.” He took an unsteady breath. “The point is, it's okay, I think, to have a hard time accepting something. But you also can't deny it forever. I thought I'd never feel okay again but I do now, because I've learned to live with it.” 

“You're dying, Koushi,” Oikawa whispered, fingers trailing through Sugawara's soft hair. 

Sugawara offered him a small smile. “But you're not.” 

Oikawa's fingers stilled, and his other hand gripped Sugawara's tighter. “What do you mean?” 

“I'm worried about you,” Sugawara said. “You need to find something beyond volleyball. You told me that your injury isn't going to heal completely, and that's a start. But what are you going to do?” 

“I'll figure it out,” Oikawa said. 

“Sooner rather than later,” Sugawara insisted. “I know you can do it. I know you'll be great at whatever you choose to do but you have to do it.” 

“I...” Oikawa bit his lip. “This is stupid. I'm scared.” He laughed, nervously. “Isn't that stupid?” 

But Sugawara wasn't laughing. “No. It's terrifying, having your whole future change.” 

“It's just volleyball,” Oikawa said. “I should be able to get over it.”

“It wasn't just volleyball to you.” Sugawara sighed. “But you have to move forward. You can't stay stuck. You'd be wasted, stuck doing nothing.” 

Oikawa allowed himself a small smile. “I would be, wouldn't I?” 

“You would.” Sugawara smiled back. Then, he let go of Oikawa's hand and punched him, lightly, in the chest. 

“Ow! What was that for?” Oikawa rubbed his chest. 

“For not believing in yourself,” Sugawara said. “I believe in you. Now go, show the world how awesome Oikawa Tooru is!” He raised his fist again, smirking. 

“Hang on hang on!” Oikawa waved his hands. “Can't it wait till tomorrow?” 

Sugawara raised an eyebrow. “Is that an excuse?” 

“I want to spend time with you tonight,” Oikawa said. “I'm already here, after all. It can wait until tomorrow.” 

Sugawara sighed. “I guess that's acceptable.”

“I'll make it more than acceptable.” Oikawa leaned forward and kissed Sugawara, deeply. It didn't matter that Sugawara's lips were chapped, or that his skin felt too cold, that when his hands curled around Oikawa's they felt boney, delicate, breakable. Sugawara was dying, but he wasn't dead. 

When they pulled apart, Sugawara's eyes were wide. 

“What's wrong?” Oikawa asked. 

“I'm scared.” The words were barely above a whisper, barely able to get out. Oikawa pulled Sugawara close, wrapped his arms around Sugawara's thin body. 

“I know.” 

“We can be scared together,” Sugawara murmured. 

“We can be,” Oikawa said, resting his chin on Sugawara's head. “And then like you said, tomorrow we can show everyone how awesome we are.” 

Sugawara hummed, a pleasant sound, and settled against Oikawa. 

Sugawara was dying, and Oikawa's future was up in the air, and they were both scared, but they had each other. Right now they had each other, and right now the only thing that mattered was that they could face this uncertainty together.


End file.
